Biladeau Rd, Bend Oregon
Written early April.
MOONBEAMS SHINE THROUGH the window resting on my face. La Luna woke me. Without my glasses she looks large, soft, and a bit fuzzy around the edges. Her silver light fills the tiny bedroom reflecting off dust mites, floating in the air. It feels magical. Dave's arm drapes across my body, his shallow breathing quiet for now. I lay still, afraid to break the spell. Fuzzy Four Paws joins us, it must be close to 5 am. "BREAKFAST NOW!", he purrs in my ear, treading over my head and onto Dave's torso, to the window and back to me again. Each heavy step leaves a new bruise. The clock reads 4:45 am, no chance returning to a dreamy slumber. I am wide awake. Getting out of bed the sheets shift inviting the chill of the morning under the covers. Dave turns away from me, mumbles something and burrows deeper for warmth.
The trailer is cold, out the window the blues of predawn mingle with Luna's silver shimmers. It has snowed in the night leaving a shifting of powdered sugar on the ground and sage bushes. Jack Frost has followed us, not content to leave us be. More cold weather... will it ever be warm? Sackett has shadowed me into the kitchen, rubbing figure 8's between my legs and the cupboard, where his food is kept. One wonders if he is really a giant tapeworm in disguise. once fed he's content for awhile. I make myself a cup of tea and sit down to write, only my mind is drawn back to the moon and her mystery.
Soon She will be full, her pull stronger, her ascendancy dominant over us. Our moods change when her face is well rounded, our rhythms rise and fall like tides in the Spring. She tells us when to plant and when to harvest, She moves us to love and to grieve. The Moon is alive and always changing, a beautiful woman cursed to only be seen between dusk and dawn. Somehow there is comfort knowing that she is above, watching over me while I sleep. The mug is warm in my hands. As I sip the green tea sweetened with honey its steam rises clouding my glasses like the cold air against the window. I hear the whoosh of propane, a promising sound of a warm room on the way.
IT IS HARD to believe sometimes that I am 43. I remember turning 30 and thinking back on all I had done up to that point and wishing, on the the candles of a coffin cake, that my next thirty years would be as exciting and full. The phases of the moon bring to mind the changes I have gone through. Gaining fifteen pounds and establishing the ability to "Flame On" have been a personal challenge for me on this trip. During the winter in Grand Junction Colorado my newly adapted mutation came in handy on those below zero nights. While I was shedding sheets Dave was cuddling closer... "Who needs an electric blanket Honey, when I've got you". Placing my hand against the trailer paneling was all I needed to cool down before retrieving blankets from the hibernating bear beside me. It is strange to be placing myself into this new category of WOMAN. It is like being 10 years old and thinking 25 years is a long way off. Before you know it BANG your there. Now it's like a tsunami, wondering when the next wave will hit. In the meantime I continue to eat my vegges, take my multivitamin, and drink my soy... oh and now we're back in Bend, walk the Butte. Soon the warm weather will be here, Bob the weatherman reports this, so it must be true, and with that comes more outdoor exercise; biking, hiking, letterboxing. Old muscles finding new uses and the smell of sports cream, the downing of Aleve, a happy hypothalamus and hopefully the shedding of a few pounds.
I feel very settled. Not stuck in a rut, complaisant settled, but more comfortable in my own skin settled. I'm becoming more flexible, definitely not physically bendable, that comes with stretching. If I were to chose between the Tortoise or the Hare I would say today I a m the Tortoise. Go at my own speed, enjoy things around me, taking life as it comes while still being willing to meet the challenges at hand. Sometimes it works and at other times it doesn't. I have discovered approaching life with humor and a little Hakuna Matata is really the best medicine for me. Especially since I don't anticipate a call from the X-Men anytime soon ("Flame On!"). Life, I am finding out is a process that is constantly evolving. That's the exciting part- THE ADVENTURE! Getting up and not knowing what the day will bring... "Where does the trail lead today?"
One night I got back to the trailer close to midnight. As I pulled into the driveway off Biladeau Road the song "Sweet Home Alabama" started playing on the radio. I left the car running and laid down on the hood of the Subaru, starring up at the stars. It was chilly and even a bit windy, but so nice out. I watched a satellite tumble across the night sky, while the music played in the background. I played dot-to-dot as I pieced together star clusters, drawing constellations I knew, with my finger. Another day I hiked up Pilot Butte and saw a Rosey Boa. Normally snakes make me shudder and squeal. This viewing I did neither. Instead I just stood and watched it as it made its way across the trail and under a rock near a juniper tree. I wondered at the time if he was an indication of warmer weather to come. I am enjoying these changes. Seeing life at a different angle. It is like being in a special effect where I'm moving at normal speed and everyone around me is in slow motion, giving me the opportunity to notice all the details and take my time doing it.
EACH NIGHT THERE is a new face on La Luna, as she phases through her stages, some darker than others. Sometimes life is like that, but finding goodness and staying optimistic enriches and keeps me happy. Full Moons are bright and enchanting, lighting up areas that are often missed in the darkness of night. A Dark, or New Moon, exposes secrets of the universe. Stars shine brighter and more plentiful, meteorites showers fall more brilliantly, and I swear I see more satellites and space junk orbiting the Earth. One face enhances the terrestrial and the other brings to life the celestial. I could view my new phase of womanhood as a pain, an inconvenience, a disruption, OR I embrace it and realize the power of possibilities it introduces.
Hope you are all enjoying the start to your summer.
All our best from Us to You
Vanessa
